DATELINE: New Brunswick.
Two men were arrested for going through a McDonald's drive-thru on a moving sofa at 3:19 a.m.
The home furnishing, also called a couch, was being towed by a 3rd man riding an ATV, also called a deathtrap. The passengers went over to order some McEdibles.
Apparently going into a drive-thru on a towed couch is illegal there (I had no idea this was such a common crime that a specific law was needed) so a police officer pulled in behind them and turned on his lights. This resulted in the ATV guy and couch driving off (down a frozen river, no less) leaving his partners behind.
The two men, not surprisingly, were intoxicated.
Cpl. Lorri McEachern, of the New Brunswick police, commented that, in spite of riding drunk on a towed sofa in winter in the middle on the night, both men were wearing helmets "so obviously safety was somewhat important."
DATELINE: Arizona AND Florida
Robert Bare, tired of life in Bullhead City, Arizona, decided to take a vacation in Key West, Florida. As part of his relaxation he wanted to "party" (his word, not mine) and mailed a box of crystal meth from his home to the hotel he'd booked.
Regrettably, Mr. Bare forgot to address the box to himself, simply writing the name of the hotel on it. So the staff opened it and were surprised to find some Walter White confectionary wrapped in dirty socks. Mr. Bare had, however, been kind enough to put his name and home as the return address on the package.
Following his arrival, Mr. Bare was arrested by an undercover detective when he tried to reclaim his package "after a brief struggle in the lobby."
A fellow stole a van from a mortuary in Riverside. After a short distance, however, he discovered there was a dead body in the back.
Apparently not wanting the passenger, he drove back to the mortuary, politely parked the van and its occupant where he'd found them, THEN took another van next to it (I assume he checked the back first), nearly running over a mortuary employee in the process.
While stealing van #2 he somehow failed to notice a police officer standing there, investigating the theft of the first van. The intrepid officer apprehended him after a chase.
From the "somehow I think there's more to this story" department.
Shane Treadaway was found hanging upside down and buck naked from a tree in the forest.
Mr. Treadaway, who was rescued by the local fire department, said he'd climbed the tree to look for a dog, and fell. Apparently all of his clothes came off in the process.
His girlfriend, who happened to be at the scene, ran to a nearby house to get help.